im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
