You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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