fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
