Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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