I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
