Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
