Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
