fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
