that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
