Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
