dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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