Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
