so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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