I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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