I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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