One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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