Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
