Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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