The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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