i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Terrible idea I love it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
