Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it's like iHOP with fire
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
