I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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