Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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