I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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