I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
