Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
