I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
