i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
