i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize