1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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