I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
