I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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