her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
