Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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