I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
