oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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