today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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