The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
