My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
