I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
