dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
