I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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