Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
