Will you blow on my dice?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
