Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
