Come see our sink grown plant.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
