Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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