on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Less talking, more tequila
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
