and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
