Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
