Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
