i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
