fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
